Monday, July 03, 2006
I've done it, going through the hustles and bustles of the last three days, but not unscathed. And this day is no exception. Today would have been perfect if not for a logically insulting premise that I had to endure. But sans that, all is great.
For instance, I dodged the Labor axe once again, and prior to that my heart is throbbing turbulently. Would there have been a recitation, I could have buckled like what I have been recently, with all that I have studied akin to a kitchen sink being flushed. And of course, there are the good times, hanging with friends and laughing hard for "Jack's" nickname storm. That was the story for today, and how I wish I could delete the memory of the early day's debacle, like what a computer can always do. But I cannot, and I just have to understand situations like this, no matter how difficult to fully comprehend they can be. It's difficult to ride tsunamis like this, but whatever. Truth will reveal itself.
Lately I've been in this insomiac storm, and sooner or later it will wear me down. In fact my sleep recently has been an average pf 4.5 hours... incredibly unhealthy, and combine that with pressures that I put on to myself, and the sheer difficulty of recent academics, and some sh*tty happenings designed by the Lord to test my patience and endurance, and I have a recipe for disaster. Sometimes it's still a wonder how I manage to survive... and I'm surviving... but is it Pyrrhic? I don't want a Pyrrhic victory. And amidst all the confusion, one thing surfaces in clarity: in this world of equivalent trade, are the trades I am making worth it?
It's worth it. What I have now is worth it. I won't let the shadows at the gate take me back to the darkest spring of my life. What I have now is worth it. And I don't want to let it go. Though I'm pretty sure there will be more elements that will pry the grip off my fingers. It's inevitable. Still, I won't let go.
God be with me, and I know righteousness will prevail. It should. It would.
Nevertheless, the ennui continues at 8:11 AM
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