Tuesday, June 27, 2006
I'm not as good as I once was. All the luster is already lost, and I find myself trampling my own self-esteem. Simply put, this sucks.
Though the throbbing of my heart is as not as turbulent as yesterday pre-Labor Relations, I'm still lacking that "swagger" or that "second wind," that I need to take me to the second level. I admire people who have that sense of boldness and grace at the same time. Right now I'm trying to grasp all that I have just to get to the second wind.
I had a bit of good luck today, as I had a chance to showcase my redemptive self in Oblicon. I'll take anything that's "good" in this current situation, and if I will base my performance today on the uber-high standards that I once used to match, then my recitation today could be labeled as mediocre at best. Still, I'm thankful for good luck.
I'm still adjusting. Some things continue to be clouded in ambiguity, but some are slowly revealing towards clarity. It has been an unbelievable fourth year so far, but I think it would get even more interesting. So far, though, it's all melodrama and learning, and i'm sick of that "drama" part. But maybe that's necessary for my continuous revolution. All I'm dealing with right now is merely the tip of the iceberg. I have that feeling, that sooner or later, I'll realize how blessed I am, with that seemingly endless amount of challenges imposed to me in an effort to measure how far I can go. All I know is that I can never give up. Not just yet.
It's 1:00 am already. Sleeping early enough is bordering the realm of "impossible" conditions. Nevertheless I continue to fight these demons called compulsion.
I think I did alright today...
Nevertheless, the ennui continues at 9:47 AM
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