Saturday, June 24, 2006
I will always be one of the steadfast believers of digital karma. Because today, once again, instant karma has got me. My stubborn refusal to listen to Tatay has cost me enormous time wastage, and heightened my frustration to boot. But even in times of tribulation, I have acquired that talent of making something constructive of the situation. Out of the empty moments waiting for the incredibly long line at the barber shop, I managed to conjure ideas and oaths, that hopefully I can put into action, this time.
Today I came to the realization that if one wants change and to finally get out of his redundant idiosyncrasies, he must change today. Change cannot be allowed to prescribe. For each moment is golden, and it is a grave sin to let each moment pass by without making something happen out of it. I could have done something out of those two seemingly eternal hours waiting for my damn turn at the barbershop, who by the way are very unprofessional in dealing with customers, as to be expected from cheap shops. Consequently, I vowed never to return to that shop again.
One of my objectives in this life is to be able experience it in myriads of ways that I possibly can. I want to taste all the different flavors and spices that the world has to offer. I want to engage in many adventures. I want to be incredibly flexible, to be able to do many things. All those information acquired from reading, watching TV and movies, and internet surfing, have steadily contributed and developed me into an incredibly ambitious person. I want to reach my limits, and exceed them, even.
But in order to come closer to that goal, I must continue recreating myself. Recently, I have been bland and lethargic, all washed up, at most. These are evidenced by my lackluster performance at academics so far, and the passionate fire inside needs to be rekindled. The state of ennui in me must be erased.
If I must transform myself, there are stuff that I must jettison in order to progress. What I fear is that if I desert and stop doing all these things that I love just for the sake of becoming better, which is by the way is not guaranteed, I might lose a part of me that might be never recovered again. It's the risk I have to take, though I even have doubts if I could ever relinquish all those things that I have grown up loving. Nevertheless, what's the use of talking if I can never do it. That will be the imposing challenge that will continue until I completely recreate myself. The challenge is doing, and not knowing.
Fall and rise. Else I'll be trampled.
Nevertheless, the ennui continues at 5:25 AM
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